Running

There was a time in my life, like everyone else, that I was running from God. I had just graduated from high school and was on my own for the first time in my life. I was trying to fit into a new school and a new town. I chose to walk away from God so that I could adjust but what I didn’t know was that I needed him most at that time.

I made friends easily and quickly got into a routine. I missed my parents every day but it seemed to fade the longer that I was away. I struggled with wanting to be liked so I started to do things and act in a way that wasn’t who I was. I pretended to be someone that I wasn’t. I was very good a putting off my school work so that I could hang out with friends and then struggling to get my work done on time. I had the mentality that my friends were more important than anything that I had in my life. It wasn’t unitl I decided to transfer back home after my freshman year of college that I really understood who my friends really were.

During the summer I stayed with my parents and continued to run from God. I realized that I didn’t really need him to live my life. But I struggled daily with my decision to move home so I ended up back at my original school.

As I ran, I could constantly feel a little pull on my back that I ignored on a daily basis because I didn’t want to acknowledge it. I spent time pretending again that I couldn’t feel it or that I was needed for something else. Most of my life I have felt like this. I’ve felt like I was pretending to be someone that I’m not just to fit in. It was always my need to be liked and accepted that drove me to my way of life. And let’s be honest, being a Christian and loving God is not the way to be accepted in society today.

I spent the first five years of my life on my own running and I was finally fed up with trying to out run God. Let’s face it…He was never going to let me get away. I would go to church very sporatically but I never felt like I was at home in the church like I was back home. I always felt out of place and that I didn’t belong. It wasn’t until I walked into my current church that I felt that pull again. I had decided to randomly pick a church and go for a service. It felt strange but in a good way. When I left I wasn’t even sure if I was going to return. But tragedy struck and I lost a family member close to me. On my way home from the funeral, the pastor of this church messaged me on Facebook and I couldn’t contain my emotions. I had never felt like I belonged until then. I literally had gone to his church for one service and he cared enough to reach out when something bad happened.

I quickly fell back into my mold of going to church. Ever since that fately February day in 2016, I have gone to every church service and bible study group that we have just to continue to grow in my faith. That’s the funny thing….even though I was running from God, I still had my faith that He would be there when I needed him most. I believe that He chose that moment to bring me back to Him. I don’t know if I would have found my way back on my own but thankfully He was always there with me to bring me back when I was ready.