The happiest day of your life. When you think about it many people think about certain days…a graduation, a wedding, a child being born, etc to name a few common ones. But what happens when something goes not quite as planned on that day. That’s everyone’s worst fear. That they can’t control every little detail of that “special day”. That’s the hardest time to look to God and ask for help. God has a plan for everyone and everything. We need to look to God when we least want to because he already has everything figured out. We just have to learn His plan.
My husband and I recently went through an event like this. 735 days…24 negative tests…countless ups and downs….1 perfect baby. It took us over 2 years of trying to get pregnant to have our child. I spent many days and nights praying and crying over a child that i so desperately wanted but was never given. I was doubting the love that God had for me because He wasn’t giving me something that I wanted. Then I would doubt my abilities because maybe God wasn’t giving me a child because I couldn’t handle it. I was starting to “go through the motions” in my everyday life because I doubted myself and God. Once I started looking back to God is when I really gave myself back to Him. I was standing in my sister’s church in a different town away from my “normal”. It was during a time of worship. They were playing the song “Waymaker”, and I just remember completely breaking down. I was literally crying in a random church and if anyone knows me, they know that I am highly introverted and very self-conscious. I couldn’t believe it. I was letting myself go so that He could do a work in me. Little did I know, one month later I would get a positive pregnancy test.
That day was one of the greatest days for me. I was so anxious that it might be a false positive that I went to an urgent care to get a confirmation. I showed my husband the test and we were both so ecstatic that we told our families right away. Now what most people are going to think at this point of reading is that somehow, we lost the baby…but that is not the case. I will assure you that we have a happy and healthy boy. My pregnancy itself wasn’t very eventful for me. I was rarely sick (thank God) and I was still able to do everything that I love to do. I did end up having high blood pressure which is common. Because of this I skipped doing biweekly appointments and went straight to weekly appointments. Every week I had to get an ultrasound done to check on my baby. Everything looked good every week and there were no concerns pointed out.
Fast forward to my final appointment and my doctor told me that I was going to be induced the following day due to my blood pressure. So, I tell my husband and the following day we are off to the hospital to have a baby. Everything was going as I had planned. I was doing labor without medications, and we were going to have a happy, healthy baby and everything was going to be great. It was almost like rainbows and unicorns in my head. It was supposed to be perfect. What I didn’t plan for was God’s plan. He had something else in mind that was not according to my plan. After 11 hours in labor, I finally got the epidural to help with my anxiety. After six more hours, I was fed up and we decided to consider having a cesarean section and after another hour of contemplating I finally gave in and decided I just wanted to be done. It was about an hour after the decision was made that we finally could say that we had a happy, healthy baby boy (up until this point we hadn’t know the sex of the baby). We thought everything was great and our lives had changed for the better.
What we didn’t count on was another curve ball. The doctor holds up our baby for us to see and our poor child only has one ear. I immediately start to panic about what I did wrong. Did I eat something I shouldn’t have? Did I do something I shouldn’t have? What medications was I taking that could have caused this? How am I supposed to raise a child with one ear? While all these questions were legitimate concerns, they were not the first questions I should have been asking. I should have turned to God in this time and asked what he has in store for me. I should have started thinking about things that I need to do to best accommodate my son and what I can do to make his life easier. My focus should have been on my newborn child and God.
After many tests and doctors, we found out that he essentially can’t hear out of that side of his head, so he is considered “hearing impaired”. This was a hard adjustment at first, but we are slowly getting the hang of it. Unfortunately, he has figured things out so he can easily ignore us when we are talking to him or when he is in trouble. We have a very active child who is not letting anything get in his way. I want to say that there is absolutely nothing wrong with my child. He is exactly the way that God planned for him to be. God put this challenge in my life to remind me that He is relaly in charge of my life and I won’t be steered wrong as long as I look to Him to lead me and my family.
Christian Mama 